Attempt

Pinpricked

The air seeps out of me like a balloon

Deflated

Defeated

I shrink down, small and silent

Such an effort

A great push for something great

All taken down

By just a

Pinprick

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Brother

I love some of the people in my life

But I have changed in ways they don’t understand

And they’ve changed in ways that I don’t know.

We sit and talk about who we used to be

Neither of us sure how to address this person before us.

Once we were so close,

We were wounded and unwell but close.

Now, we’re healed, heathy and strong

And a million miles apart

When in the same room.

So happy for who you are

But miss you so much at the same time.

Taut

The constant tension in my bones has become a low hum and is the background noise to my existence. It is a tension that is recognized by those around me, by those who know me well. It’s like they know that there is something lurking just beneath the surface, they’re terrified by what might break the waves when something disturbs the water.

They are always watching cautiously.

Too Big To Fail

I slipped away

and no one noticed.

I called out to you

all of you

standing on the edge of the inky blackness

of the turbulent ocean.

You all smiled and waved

assured me of my safety.

Told me my strength would save me.

Told me to have hope.

And then I slipped

Slowly sliding into the waves

I reached out and cried for help

The imminent darkness and danger crashing over me.

You all could not help.

Faces turned away or

Looking at me in distinct disbelief of the situation.

But I’m so strong? How did this happen? This can’t be true

This titan cannot fail.

And there she went

crumbling to the waves

leaving one hand out for rescue while she slipped under.

No one came for me.

After the Cut

Somehow it’s different now.

I hold you in a different place

The glass we stand on

is even and smooth

even if fragile as hell.

I’m no longer holding a dagger

deep into your side

making sure you need me to nurse you

as you bleed out.

The knife is down.

You’re separate now.

Over there

Your problems are yours

life is yours

drama is yours.

You and your mess are not for me to keep.

No longer to hold you down.

Now we are equal.

This is respect.

Poison in the Dark

I sit in the

Sickening Anticipation

The knots and nervousness and

Waves of death

Wafting in my soul and washing my heart.

All we are is poison

Sick, twisted

Dark.

We use and twist and turn each other.

Use each other up, and keep each other down.

Like two sick trees trying to grow apart

But whose rotten roots are twined together.

We poison each other

And call it love.

Our sickness is in the heart

And it’s fed off the sadness

And Desperation

Of the other.

I wait

Ax in hand.

Taking a deep breath before the cut.

This will hurt.

Are you ready?

Glass

i must be slick like glass

i must be smooth and hard to hang on to

i always seem to slip through 

slip through hands and 

slip through the minds of people.

i must have slipped your 

your mind 

you heart

your life.

I’m hard to handle 

hard to love 

hard to remember.

perhaps I’m too available 

or perhaps not enough.

I’ll never know 

you forgot to tell me.

must have slipped your mind